Saving Yourself for Marriage

To my beloved brother, who will soon enter into the bonds of holy matrimony:

Drs. Joe S. Milhaney and Freda McKissic Bush, both board certified OBGYN’s as well as researchers, wrote a book called Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex is Affecting Our Children. This latest in a slew of recent research confirms what we “simple-minded” religious folks have said all along: premarital sex is very, very damaging.

Many of us heard the “scotch tape” analogy in high school health class, which compares sex to a piece of tape, losing its adhesion with each new attachment until it becomes nothing more than a greasy, two-sided piece of plastic. It may have struck you as overly simplistic, but here’s a summary of their research: when a person loses their virginity, the brain releases oxytosin, the love and bonding hormone, which gives a euphoric feel to the sexual experience. It is released along with dopamine, but only the combination of the two hormones maximizes the encounter. When that person breaks the valuable bond by having sex with another partner, the brain’s hardwiring changes and loses its ability to bond as strongly. Essentially, the individual’s brain goes from assuming “I will have a meaningful, monogamous relationship” to “I will never bond with anybody at that level.” The more casual sex one has, the less ability that person has to bond to his or her partner. The result is less satisfying intercourse because it lacks oxytosin. Sex will still cause the brain to release dopamine, the same hormone that makes skydiving and gambling enjoyable. Translation: the individual begins to view sex as little more than a recreational thrill.

Their research also measured the psychological effects of this rewiring of the brain. Women are three times more likely than men to become depressed if they are sexually active but uncommitted, but both women and men are much more likely to be depressed than their abstinent or committed counterparts.

In other words, just as I have frequently said (and occasionally been mocked for saying), those of us who save sex for marriage will have more satisfying sex lives than our promiscuous counterparts. We have not made our minds incapable of truly falling in love. I commend you, my brother, for your patience and wisdom in this matter, and I thank you for being a good example to the rest of us.

The Complicated Stupidity of George W. Bush

George W. Bush is easily the stupidest president in US history. When he talks the idiocy just drips from his mouth (along with all that drool). I mean it’s completely obvious.

Not only is he a complete and utter moron, he has masterminded the biggest conspiracy in world history. You see, in order to establish Republican hegemony in the country and US military control of the world’s resources, he figured out a way to fly airplanes into the world trade center, blow up the buildings simultaneously, and get a well-known enemy of the US to risk his life by admitting he organized it. It’s just obvious. Never mind that no mainstream media outlet or university professor has taken this theory seriously—they’re in on the conspiracy! Everybody knows the people running the New York Times and universities are right wing zealots.

This allowed him to send troops into Iraq, which we all know was really for oil. Even though the country had not been producing oil for almost 20 years, and even though the Iraqi law that his administration helped draft stipulates that no foreign country may profit from oil production, and even though the US will be paying the same price as the rest of the world for their oil when it begins to enter the world market, it’s obvious that he is helping his friends in the oil industry to get rich.

When gas prices started going up, he was ripping off Americans to help big oil. And when he encouraged congress to allow offshore drilling so that the price of gasoline would go down, he was sacrificing the environment to enrich oil tycoons. So you see, whether the price is up or down, he is acting in the express interest of corporate America.

And he hates African Americans, as evidenced by the incompetent handling of hurricane Katrina—under-preparing for that hurricane was diabolically calculated. Of course, in the summer of 2008 when his administration failed to provide relief to the Midwest flood victims, most of which were white, that was yet another example of his stupidity.

In conclusion, George W. Bush is very, very stupid and at the same time has planned some of the most elaborate and evil schemes in world history. He is like a cross between Mr. Magoo and Lex Luther.

(Inspired by the complicated intelligence of Bush-haters)