A Magical Night

Last week I had an amazing date. This entry contains my most intimate feelings, and I’m only publishing this because I know that the girl this is about will never ever read this. To be fair, not all of these things actually happened under a narrow interpretation of the word “happened,” but when you think about it, what is reality but a bunch of things you believe to be true? And if I tell myself they happened so many times that I convince myself, what’s the difference between that and something that truly took place?

From the beginning she was so mysterious to me. Invisible flying tiger mysterious. So of course I asked her out. Man, if she found out I compared her to an invisible flying tiger I would just die.

First, we went to Chili’s. She ordered a chicken sandwich with fries. I know, a sensual combination. She was so suggestive in the way she ate, I had a hard time finishing all my tortillas. But I was hungry so I did. She even offered me some of her fries—a well-known girl code for “take me now.” It took some self-restraint in the face of such licentiousness on her part, but I was determined to maintain my gentlemanly reputation (the last thing I want is my number written on the institute ladies’ bathroom wall underneath “call for a good time”). Of course she only ate half of her sandwich, which allowed her to leave the other half in my car so that its erotic aroma could further tease my emotions. She asked me several questions about my past relationships, some of which would make a sailor blush. Again, if you know her, don’t let a single word of this get back to her because she will kill me.

The next stage of the attempted seduction occurred at the miniature golf course. It was there that she confessed to me, in the most direct of terms, that she was once a nanny in Germany. It was as if she had tapped into my innermost thoughts and found my wildest fantasy, which involves a German nanny among other things. She then let me win the game by a large margin (another calculated turn-on, no doubt). Thank goodness she’ll never see what I am saying, regardless of the fact that it’s on the internet for the entire world to see. That would be very embarrassing.

Then we watched the go-carts at the track, betting on who would win. Again, she let me win, but she did it in a mystifying way. She placed her bet on a car that was ahead at the beginning and well behind by the end, while I bet on a car that was behind and eventually pulled ahead. I felt that this was her subtle way of further informing me that her feminine desires were a mystery, and while a man may gain her favor for a time, it is entirely possible that another, faster moving one can easily take his place. Again, I can’t state emphatically enough that I don’t want her to read this, even though she’s one of my facebook friends and the link to this blog is right there on my page and I told her that I was going to post an entry about our date.

At her doorstep, she told me that I was the most amazing man she had ever met. She said she couldn’t have even possibly dreamed of meeting a man as attractive as I was to her. She wanted to know the next time she would see me so that she could begin to count the minutes. In the spirit of a huntress she went in for a kiss but I drew strength from some unknown source and pulled away. If this is going anywhere, first and foremost I need her respect. I couldn’t help thinking as I drove home in my intoxicating chicken sandwich-scented car that I had gained it that night.